Being diagnosed with ADHD at 12 was a gift. It put a definition on to why I seemed to be unable to "behave." Loudest one in the class, couldn't sit still, physically overbearing, leaving things all over the house, forgetting class assignments, brilliant with bad grades, starting lots of projects and leaving them half finished...and so on. 

​

Now, we had a definition and along with that ADHD came another definition: GAD - Generalized Anxiety Disorder. My fourth grade teacher constantly called me a "worry wort" and I was catastrophizing before it was a thing. 

​

While we had a definition, I didn't have the tools yet. I was given medications, which didn't seem to help as much as when the space around me was modified to accept me for who I was. My parents and teachers worked with me to build a better support system, create space for some of my behaviors to exist, and give me the processes I needed to be reminded of things, have more time to decipher, process and absorb, and feel things. 

​

When I left home, I didn't have those same support systems in place, and when I got my first corporate job with big responsibilities, things started to fall apart. I spent years disliking myself for not being like everyone else I worked with, changing who I was to fit what others wanted me to be, so that I would stop "getting into trouble" for the consequences of my neurodivergent behaviors.

I ignored what I needed and over time, I didn't know how to listen to myself anymore. I was living for everyone else's expectations and disconnected from my intuition, my body and my own path.

This led to lack of self worth, lack of self love, and lack of self compassion. Because I was unkind to myself, didn't listen to myself, and didn't love myself, I exhibited the same behaviors externally. I was overly competitive with others, defensive, jealous, resentful, and more. I was a very unhappy human and I was living the opposite life of what I was meant for.